Had to register with a new doctors last week. Went in to pick up some new patient forms. They also give you a little pot to take away and bring back full of wee week. The handover’s a bit embarrassing but at least it gives you a chance to flush yourself out a bit before you give it in. My appointment was in the morning, it’s never giving a piss sample first thing is it? All Oringina-y and stinking of sugar puffs.
To get a nice colouring I had planned to fill it up the night before, but it slipped my mind. I had to get up early and down a few pints of water to thin it out a bit. I didn’t think it was going to work its way through in time but I just managed to force a decent one out and get there on time.
It was still quite warm so there was a fair bit of condensation in there as well. I don’t know if that affects the results. I was going to pop it in the fridge for a bit but I was in a mad rush. I’m not sure if they give you any feedback or if they just pop a bit of litmus paper in there and see how you compare to various bars of soap.
I got a bit confused and tried to hand it to the receptionist with my forms. To see someone recoil from your pot isn’t a nice feeling, especially after going to all that effort. God knows what her reaction would’ve been if it had of been the first slash of the day. I had to scramble it red faced back into my pocket. It’s weird sitting there with everyone aware that you’ve got piss in your cardigan pocket.
While I was waiting I got talking to a old guy called Stanley. Stanley Rag. He was nice. I don’t know what it is about doctors surgery’s that makes people think they can tell a stranger about their reasons for being there. He was telling me in quite a bit of detail about his kidney infection and how much it hurt when he went to the toilet. He was being quite candid and I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed, so I told him about the piss handover fiasco to try and make it a, we’re all in this together chat. He didn’t really seem interested.
I would help any of these women pick their leggings out of their fanny. Apart from Paris Hilton. I'd push hers further up. Maybe out of her mouth.
He also said that he has a cupboard full of pots and he occasionally just pops into the hospital unannounced with a little sample to see what’s going on. I think Stanley is great. I got the impression that the staff though he was a bit of a pain in arse though.
Poor ol’ Stanley, I think he just gets bored and wee’s in stuff to keep himself occupied. I hope I live to an age where I can get away with shit like that.
I’ve got to go to the asthma clinic on Monday because that’s where all the cool kids go. Trying to swing one of those hayfever injections as well to stop me being such a fucking baby for 4 months. I’ll let you know how get on obviously. I know you’re riveted.
Oh. I almost forgot. While I was waiting I saw a lady pick her leggings out of her fanny. I’d never seen anyone do that before. Perhaps if you have a hungry fanny then tight leggings aren’t really for you.
RnR!
p.s. I have normal blood pressure. I’m 14 stone 2 pounds and a couple of cm’s short of six feet three inches. I also have nice hair and a handsome face but the nurse didn’t put that on my forms because she’s a twat.
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