The plan was to do loads of Bestival posts last week, but between you and me I’ve been struggling. I’ve felt progressively worse every day since last Tuesday. I was pretty sure I’d be dead by today.
I’m not though. Look! Here I am! Hello! I feel much better now, thanks for asking.
There’s too many black holes holes in my memory to be able take you through our weekend as it happened, so what I thought I’d do is just post stuff as/when they come back to me.
One of the first things
I had written in my notebook that came to mind was:
“Gemdog and her wee hole”
Because girls are such dirty little buggers and piss everywhere when they go toilet, they have to hover above the seat when they have a wee otherwise they’ll get other people’s slash all over their bum-cheeks. It must be an awful strain on their legs. I think that’s why a lot of girls have such big thighs.
Gemdog brought a thing called a “she wee” with her so that she could have a wee standing up like a civilised human man. We had a bit of trouble figuring out which way round it went but then Lewy said that “It don’t go that way round, underneath is where ya wee ‘ole is”. He is very bright and we managed to work it out.
I thought the “She Wee” was a very good idea but one of the other girls with us didn’t think it would work because you couldn’t control how fast your wee came out and it would go all over your hands.
I don’t think this girl wee’d like normal people. I think she had a sort of trap door wee hole where you pulled a cord and it all came gushing out at once. Kind of like on Noel’s House Party when all those bent heads get gunged…’cept it weren’t gunge it was pissssssssss.
The same girl also gave some bloke a blowjob down an alley way in Torremolinos with a kebab in one hand and the cock in the other.
She also wanks at work and everyone at work knows that she wanks at work, so when she comes back from having a wank at work all the boys at work sniff their fingers. I said to her “how do the boys know you wank at work?”. She said “because I always go in the disabled toilet coz it’s got a full length mirror”……..”and I told them that I wank at work”.
She was very nice but made me a bit uneasy.