Tad out of Neighbours


Today I want to talk to you about Tad.  Tad out of Neighbours.  More specifically, I want to talk about one particular part of Tad out of Neighbours’ life:

The day Tad out of Neighbours turned Harold Bishops allotment into a BMX track.

Tad out of Neighbours had been through some rough times.  His Mum Coral couldn’t handle his delinquent ways and had sent him to stay with the most respectable member of their family, his Cousin Toadfish, in Erinsborough.

She hoped that by spending some time with ‘Toadie’ who had recently started a law degree, but who himself had had some behavioural problems in his younger days, Tad out of Neighbours might see the errors of his ways.

When Toadie also couldn’t handle the young man, he asked local Mother & Father figures Madge & Harold Bishop if they could look after him.  They duly obliged.

It was soon after moving in with the Bishops that Tad out of Neighbours quickly became obsessed with BMX biking.

In what he had hoped would be a bonding exercise for himself and his troubled young friend, Hazza asked Tad out of Neighbours to help him down at his allotment.  Tad out of Neighbours, more interested in hanging out with his mates than weeding, just sat in the shed while the morbidly obese Hazza got a bead on struggling with the runner beans in the baking Erinsborough sun.

Asking Tad out of Neighbours to help at the allotment was to be one of Hazza’s biggest mistakes.  It was during this trip that Tad out of Neighbours realised that the allotment would make the perfect BMX track.

Tad out of Neighbours got to work.  He kept Hazza away from the allotment with various excuses for almost 6 weeks while work was completed.

On finding out about the track, Hazza was fuming.  He and Madge had just set up their new fast food joint “Grease Monkeys” and were hoping to yield a sizeable crop of potatoes to make the French fries, not to mention the tomato and lettuce for the kids to pick out of their burger buns.  It meant that not only would Hazza be dropping $18 a week on rent for the allotment, he’d have to bulk buy from Costco.  His overheads were going through the roof, something both he and Madge knew a company in its infancy could ill afford.

But the loss of cheap root vegetables and salad were to be the least of the Bishops worries.  On inspecting the former allotment Hazza was rendered speechless.  Tad out of Neighbours had concreted the entire area; creating half pipes, ramps and tire walls.  It wasn’t the crude amateur track that he had expected to find.

Soon all became clear.  Tad out of Neighbours had taken out numerous bank loans and credit cards secured against 24 Ramsey St and the newly formed Grease Monkey’s.  As the bills came flooding in the scale of the operation became clear.

He had flown Fernando Champonzo & his brother Jesus over from Spain to develop the track.  They were the best in their field, having designed & built the track for the 1992 Barcelona Olympics.  After a week of consultations and numerous revised CAD drawings, work began in earnest.

A fleet of 8 300 cubic meter batch mix concrete lorries were ordered, but in a breakdown of communication all 8 lorries arrived on the same day.  Tad out of Neighbours was insistent that it was the concrete companies error, but after their head office investigated, it transpired that Tad out of Neighbours had actually given the go-ahead in a fax the previous week.

Tad out of Neighbours was not prepared to jeopardise the integrity of the track and made the tough call to send the concrete back (minus one half load for the initial ground work), despite the concrete company informing him that the cost of returning materials would run into their tens of thousands, as they have to dispose of the load safely.  Tad out of Neighbours did not care about the cost, it had to be right.

As the initial schedule and costs spiralled out of control, Tad out of Neighbours was forced to get in more labourers.  The track had to be finished by the end of the week, Hazza was desperate for spuds and he couldn’t keep him away any longer.  Generators and flood lights were brought in so work could continue through the night and the 2 dozen men worked in shifts.

Finally, 3 weeks behind schedule, the track was ready.

Only after sitting down with their accountant did the scale of the debt become clear.  Tad out of Neighbours has blown in excess of $120,000 building a BMX track on Harold’s allotment.

Tad out of Neighbours took up DJ’ing.

RnR.

4 Comments

Filed under True stories

4 responses to “Tad out of Neighbours

  1. grace

    ah shite, the whole time I thought you were talking about this guy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonefish_Rebecchi

  2. rich

    I really thought this was going to lead to some insightul and amusing ditty regarding the new bmx track next to Hackney City Farm near London’s Trendy Broadway Market (TM). I passed it the other week and was seriously tempted to have a spin round it, on my commuter bicycle complete with child seat.

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