Incredible to believe I did this in paint.
I’ve made no secret of my dislike for The Kooks. In some respects it’s perhaps a bit unfair. They’re no worse than alot of other bands you would stick in their category. A quick look at the “customers who bought this item also bought” on Amazon brings up one of the most depressing lists I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen Joseph Fritzels charge sheet: The Fratellis, Hard-Fi, Razorlight, The Zutons, The View, The Feeling……..yadda yadda yadda.
I’ve got nothing against people who like Pop. Pop in the modern sense of the word I mean, we’re not talking The Beatles here. The Pussycat Dolls and all that. They’re clearly not after anything from their music other than a bit of a sing-a-long and a good time. Fair enough, nothing wrong with that. Once or twice a year even I like to have a good time. No, not to The Pussycat Dolls. Well, unless they’re on T4 gyrating round something or other with their tits out, but even then I’ve got the volume right down so I can listen for my bird coming up the stairs *wank wank* *wink wink*.
It’s when the folk who wouldn’t listen to anything other than funky house one minute all of a sudden claim to be really “into bands”. Nothing to do with you seeing someone in Heat at a festival wearing wellies, denim hot pants and a fucking stupid straw hat and thinking you’d like a bit of that then? Oh no, course not. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Snow Patrol huh? Cool, for a second there I thought you were just jumping on the band wagon.
I wouldn’t mind if they said; “oh I like The Kooks because I love a catchy tune” and “I like festivals because it’s fashionable”, but they don’t. They insist on saying that they’re “indie kids”. Don’t even get me started on “indie”. At what point did it lose it’s meaning and become a byword for a genre of music that’s just as full of generic big label, mass marketed shite as that show with Kylie’s Sister and ‘er from Girls Aloud?
Again...paint! I know! Incredible.
The Kooks and them rest of ’em are just filler. They were signed up quickly by record execs so they could cash in from the huge surge of dickheads that called anyone who liked a band at school a “greebo” but now want an excuse to buy a cow print tent.
Anyway. I digress. The point of this post was this…..I read this week that there’s to be another branch of Ibiza Rocks. This one however is going to be called Mallorca Rocks and it’s going to be in the salubrious surroundings of Magaluf. The Kooks are playing the opening gig. I for one can’t wait. I’ve been waiting since 1999 to go back, this is the perfect excuse to get the boys back together for not only a week of furious fingering like last time, but also some really great tunes!
I was listening to someone from the band talking about it on the radio yesterday. Probably the curly haired one, I dunno. He had this sad resignation in his voice. Like the V Festival was The Kooks girlfriend. She was quite stupid and didn’t really have much about her, but she was quite hot. Now she’s given them the elbow and they’re back on the market. They’ve tried it on with a few nice looking birds, but they’ve all told them to fuck off. They’re gradually realising that they’d been punching above their weight and now they’re having to settle for the grubby fat chick that is Magaluf.
There’s nothing like being forced by your label to go out to some massive Spanish shit hole and have your “hits” be the soundtrack to glassings and chlamydia.
Good on yer lads!