Tag Archives: boys

Swizz: Jay-Z / Justice Remix

A lot of producers, when turned on to something new, will take it literally, chunking whole pieces under a beat and acting like they just broke music open. Swizz did the exact opposite with Justice’s “D.A.N.C.E.,” taking a lyric snippet out of its context, hearing something no one else would and making something weirder than anyone else tried in mainstream rap production last year. And it’s not even a big deal because he does weird shit all the time.

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Gang Starr – Guru get well

When I was about 16 I remember going to Fopp and buying every Tribe Called Quest and The Pharcyde album.  They were in the £5 section.  I even think The Low End Theory and People’s Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm were £3.  Probably the best money I’ve ever spent!

I didn’t think you could beat those guys.  Then I splashed out £7 on Gang Starr’s Step in the Arena and it absolutely blew me away.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’d been listening to a lot of Jazz around that time and that’s the first thing that hit me with Gang Starr.  It was like nothing I’d heard before.  Guru’s delivery and DJ Premier’s Swing influences were/are pretty incredible.

Guru had a heart attack this week and is in a coma.  He’s only in his mid 40’s.  I’ve been listening to alot of them the past couple of days.  I forgot how many amazing tracks they have.

Anyone out there who dismisses Hip Hop out of hand has no idea about music in my opinion, and they’ve certainly never given any time to Gang Starr.

For dealing with difficult social issues eloquently and with poise, for incorporating their influences from some of the deepest roots of black American music, and for creating something genuinely original they achieved something truly memorable.

At their best they are more relevant and insightful than anything else I can think of.

Take some time to give them a listen if you haven’t before.




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The Drums Best Friends are The Psychedelic Furs

Right.  Just a quick one.  The Drums were on Lauren Laverne’s 6 Music show this morning.

Their track “I felt stupid”, has been about for a while and I like it a lot, but this new release “Let’s go surfing” from the same self titled EP is a step up.

I’ve been liking the sounds coming out of Brooklyn for a while now, and this with it’s 80’s synth vibe and nods to the Beach Boys and New Wave is no different.  Surf Pop from New York, who’da thunk it!?

Sounds mightily like  Heaven by The Psychedelic Furs to me.  If I was Richard Butler I’d be keeping a close eye on them! See what you think.

They’ve got the potential to be pretty big.  I won’t be saying no to listening to them outside in the sunshine at a festival that’s for sure!

Similar?  Or just me?




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You pricks look like you need some cheering up.

Even by my standards I’ve been a bit of a grumpy bastard recently.  I’m not usually bothered about winter but this one’s never fucking ending.  Everyone seems pissed off.  It’s made me realise that being a dour bastard is only fun when everyone else is in high spirits and I can rain on their parade a bit.  There’s no fun in kicking someone who’s already down.

To give myself a bit of a pick me up, I bought me and the good time police a couple of tickets for Bestival this morning.

So rather than having a moan about how I want to reach down the phone and crush the wind pipes of the people who tell you to “listen” when you’re talking to them on the phone, or how the next person who feels the need to pull me aside in a bar and ask me why I have my shirt buttoned to the top will get a ash tray in the face, I’ll instead fill you in on some bright and cheery things that have been making the past few weeks vaguely bearable.

All in the spirit of Bestival.  Get it?

Right then.  First up is this tune by The Strange Boys.  I’ve been hearing it a bit on 6Music recently.  I don’t know much about them but if this is anything to go by I’ll be giving them some time.  It sounds like an old 60’s garage band with a bit of Charlie Parker chucked in for good measure.  Not a bad mix!

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m a proper geezer and not a big My Little Pony fan.  Well, not since I was caught playing with them and my Sisters Care Bears when I was about 19.  Anyway, these are the nuts and well blokey.

Just one more thing.  There’s this guy called Limmy.  He’s a bit of a hit in the blogging world.  He’s been knocking out video blogs for a long time.  Some belters including how he likes to kill prostitutes on Grand Theft Auto and shit like that.  My sort of stuff!  Anyway, BBC Scotland have given him a series.  You can catch it on Iplayer, well worth a watch it is.  Now technically I shouldn’t be promoting his stuff what with him banning me from following him on Twitter.  He might be funny, but the prick cannae take a joke.

Oh and Master Chef is back on Thursday.  I bleedin’ love Master Chef!!  I’ve missed Gregg Wallace sucking off cutlery and John Torode looking like he might stab someone in the face if they fuck up a bernaise.  It’s amazing.  I love the seriousness of it all.  “Oh no.  That is a real shame.  You’ve got lumps in your mash.”  “*sniff sniff*.” ” If you give me another chance I’ll prove to you that I can make good mash.  *sniff sniff*.”  Wicked!

Hopefully these things will bring a smile to your face and put a spring in your step.  If they do I’ll be waiting near by to trip you up.  Bye bye.

Easy now!!



Filed under Comedy, Music, Uncategorized

Richard Hawley makes grown men cry. Over and over.

Before I moved to London my route to work involved an hour on a too hot/too cold train.  For the most part it was a massive pain in the arse.  Early mornings spent avoiding the gaze of people on the platform you knew, but certainly didn’t have an hours worth of conversation for.

They’d see you.   You’d see them.  Neither of you wanted to talk to each other, but what do you do?  Just once I would’ve loved to have said:  “look, I tried to avoid your gaze, I could see you were trying to avoid mine, unfortunately we both looked up at the same time and caught each others eye.  To be honest, it’s early, and I really can’t be bothered to make the effort to talk to you.  Nothing against you, I think you’re alright when we’re in a group of people, but to be frank, a one on one is just going to be a bit awkward.  I’d rather just sit, read my book and listen to some tunes.  Either we sit together and have a comfortable silence or, and this is my preference, I can walk up the other end of the platform and we can just pretend we didn’t see each other?

Monday and Tuesday you can discuss the weekend just gone.  Thursday and Friday you can discuss the approaching weekend.  Catch them on a Wednesday and you’re really fucked.  It’s an hour of hairdresser conversations about weather and holidays.

This was back in my pre-Ipod days, so I used to grab a few CD’s for the old discman on my way out the door in the morning.  Settle in next to the window and listen to an album in it’s entirety.  Imagine that!  A whole album!

Very occasionally you’d have a day when your mood would be 100% in tune with what CD you had grabbed.  And rather than your journey be a chore, it was actually rather enjoyable.  One such day that sticks in my mind is the day I first listened to Richard Hawley.

We went to see him on Saturday.  My first time at The Royal Festival Hall.  The place is truly amazing.  No more perfect setting for someone such as Hawley.

I’m tempted to wax lyrical.  About his voice, about his amazing band, about his lyrics, and about how on a clear bright cold winters morning on a train from Essex, and again on Saturday, the fucker almost made me (a double hard bastard) ball my eyes out about a dozen times.

Please listen to this tune. Please check him out if you don’t know him.  I promise you it’ll be worth it.



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Fun food frog farmyard and fucked it all up.

People who decide that January is the best month for giving stuff up must be, for want of a better word, cunts.  Actually, I don’t think you could find a better word than that.  I’ll stick.

It’s a hard enough getting through this month as it is.  If I had to try and do it without a drink, eating rubbish and buying myself pretty things then….well……everyone needs a vice don’t they…… I reckon I’d be watching a lot of disgusting porn.  Really quite vile stuff.

Yeah you might be a few pounds lighter, your lungs might be a bit cleaner, your bank balance a slightly paler shade of red and your liver not a grey turgid lump, but you’ll be a friendless, dull, miserable, boring shitbag.  Come February when all of the do gooders want to come back out and play, they’re gonna get a big “fuck off” from me.  You’ve already missed high antics such as these.  Jealous? You should be!

You’ve got to set your stall out early in the year I find.  Start as you mean to go on.  You need to keep your body on it’s toes, give him a month off and he’ll get complacent.  I’ve seen it before.  They look all nice and shiny these “oh I’m not drinking in January” types, but they’re not so smug when they’re in the corner crying and covered in sick on the 1st Feb.

So yeah.  It’s been a pretty full on month for me.  None more so than the past week, what with it being the tarts birthday weekend an’ all.  I was going to break it down and blog on each bit, but as always, I can’t really be arsed, I’ll do separate posts for the best bits and just lump the rest in together.  How’s that?  Good?  Wicked!

Here goes.

First up.  Went to see Stewart Lee last Wednesday.  For those of you who don’t know who Stewart Lee is already, you probably won’t like him.  He’s a comedian that doesn’t notice anything about your life, hoovering based hilarity isn’t really his thing.  So for those of you who think Michael McIntyre is the funniest man on the planet, I can’t even muster the energy to even attempt to turn you.  All I’ll say is that he’s a very clever and very funny man.  If I were a comedian, I would be Stewart Lee.  Probably the highest accolade one could wish to receive I reckon.

Next up was the girlfriends birthday meal at Bob Bob Ricard in Soho.  I’m needing to push the boat out further each year what with being a massive pain in the arse most of the time.  I’m having to increase her birthday dossge of niceness to hold onto her until the next hit.  It’ll probably take a 40ft Easter egg to get me through to Xmas this year.  BBR is ace though.  1920’s art deco style, amazing cocktails and a button on your table that reads “press for Champagne”…..that got covered up pretty sharpish.  I mean, as girlfriends go she’s not a bad one.  She’s not champagne good though.  I might see if there’s a restaurant with a “reasonable Cava” button.

Friday we hit the Science museum.  I’m going to have to do a separate post for that.  IT.WAS.AMAZING. Ended up in the pub early and catching up with a couple of friends.  Rolled back the years and got involved in a bit of turbo shandy action.  Had to talk the good looking French barman through the process.  He looked thoroughly disgusted as we tucked in.  Him…..disgusted with us…..a fucking Frenchman!  London’s going to shit.

Quite nicely tied into Saturday was a re-arranged Richard Hawley gig at the Festival Hall.  Again.  I’ll do a separate post for that.  I really can’t do that guy justice and not make this post a bit of a monster.

Few games of shithead and bullshit in the pub with friends on Sunday.  Esther nicked a pig and a penguin from a party on Saturday night and Lewis was being HILARIOUS and making it look like the penguin was sucking the pigs tits and we all laughed alot.  Then he put the penguin behind the pig and made it look like it was shagging it up the you know what, we all had to wipe tears from our eyes because it was so fucking funny.  Then we put the pig in the gravy from our roast dinners and pretended to eat it and I almost shit my pants, I was having such a good time.  Then Lewis kept spinning the penguin on it’s back and saying it was break dancing and nudging me and spinning the penguin and nudging me.  No-one laughed.  Grace said that he had ruined the whole day and went to the toilet to cry.  Lewis always takes it too far.

A whole fun week RUINED!


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What an arsehole

So what, I’m not a big fan of summer.  Granted it has it’s plus points, tarts in tight stuff ‘n’ that, but I’d take winter over it every time.  Well, I say winter, I prefer spring and autumn really but no-one ever asks that question do they?  Would you rather be too hot or too cold?  What!?  Too hot or too cold?  Neither.  Can I not just hang about in May?

Don’t get me wrong, sun on your holidays is alright, I don’t mind that, in-fact I would even go so far as to say I’ve occasionally enjoyed myself.  When it’s hot and your only worry is whether you go to the beach or the pool, I can live with that.

It being hot when you have to go to work and actually do stuff, nah, that’s shit that is.   Let’s all go to the park and have a few beers?  Yeah brilliant, can you make sure that we’re 25 miles from a toilet so I can only enjoy the first 45 minutes of it?  Nice one.  Give me a sec though, I need to get  57 Puritin down my neck and put some factor million on (I’m pasty as fuck by the way) first.

Summer gets people’s hopes up as well.  You’re annoyed that the forecast for the bbq summer has turned out to be bollocks?  There’s a shock.  Don’t moan.  Be a pessimist like me.  I have no expectations.  Sounds shit?  Well I live a life with virtually no disappointment.  In yo face muvva humpers!   Yeah you’ll end up a bit of a miserable fucker, but who cares?  I thought last summer was glorious when everyone else deemed it shite.  If you wake up each morning hoping it’s a bit grey and mild then it’ll seem like you’re living in a tropical paradise when it’s 19 degrees.

People always talk about the good parts of summer.  I’m a bit different.  I think about the bad stuff.  As a general rule I like things that aren’t as bad as something else.

Before this year, summer was just more shit than winter, that was until people went and ruined the equilibrium.  I hadn’t previously factored in human influence (hot girls in tight tops are nice but they’re a positive thing, you have to think about the not hot girls in tight tops).  This year though a few winter things dawned on me.

  • Girls really can’t seem to pick their bloody feet up when they walk in anything that vaguely resembles a winter shoe.  Don’t even get me started on FUggs.  I’ve even seen men wearing those pieces of shit this year.  This blog has 20+ comments on how good Ben Affleck looks in the fuckers.  There’s always a queue outside the shop.  I might see if I can get some lonely disillusioned teenagers along to an Ugg fundamentalist camp and send them off on a suicide mission to Covent Garden.
  • Sniffing.   You’re not 12.  Blow your nose you fucking cretin.  Your mates aren’t going to take the piss out of you for having some tissues in your pocket.  I just find myself sitting on public transport waiting for the next *sniiiiiiiiffffff* and getting increasingly angry.   I’m going to end up like  Michael Douglas in Falling Down, being pursued around London leaving a trail of dead snotty scumbags.
  • My brain is going to implode if I hear one more “so much for global warming” comment.  I started by explaining the rationale, quickly moved on to shouting the rationale and I’ve ended up just muttering “cunt” as I push scissors further and further into my ear.

So.  There it is.  By being such annoying little shits you’ve managed to convince me that 3 months of unbearable hay-fever, Oakley sunglasses and men in vests are actually not too bad.

People power!!



Filed under Funny, Piss take