Tag Archives: moustache

Chris Cairns/Beardyman >> Holographic Performance

Saw this about a month ago but I couldn’t quite figure out how to lift it.   Not even the geekiest of my super geek friends could work it out.   What’s the point of wasting your time with dweebs if they can’t even help you out with the stuff you’re too cool to learn yourself.

Sort yourselves out lads or I’ll trade you in!

Anyway, I got there in the end.

It’s another instalment from the boy Cairns after this sensational Scratch Perverts stuff I bought you a while back.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

It’s pretty mind blowing.  He’s a clever boy inhe.  Yes he is




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Bare Bones – issue 3


Coming to you from the cleverest, most handsomest, most loveliest and most bestest scribbler in all of the land (that’s my buddy Harry Malt for those of you too bloody stupid to not know already) is the imminent release of Bare Bones issue 3.

Now I’ve told you about this loads before but it’s getting better and better and bigger and bigger.  They’ll again be knocking out 90 A5 prints from the 30 featured artists, all for the meagre sum of twenty squids…….I’ll be looking to replace the two that bird of mine seems to have lost since the issue 2 run.

To launch they’ll again be exhibiting at the Nue Gallery near Brick Lane from 1st April and running until….I don’t know…..a bit after that…..a couple of weeks….a month….fuck knows.  It’s really worth getting yourselves along at some point though.

The paper will be available to download sometime after the 1st.  Probably when Malt recovers from the his inevitable fools hangover.  Should anyone out of London (or the local lazy’s) want a physical copy, I’ll grab you one and send it on….fuck it….I’ll even pick up the postage.  Nice guy I am.

You can download Bare Bones issue 2 here – after felching and Gerbilling vids, it’s probably the best thing you could get from the interweb…..and it won’t get you in trouble with the missus…unless she loves Maggie Thatcher and deplores banana mutilation….in which case you should probably fuck her off anyway.  Silly cow.

Perhaps I’ll see you there.  Perhaps I’ll talk to you…..but probably not.

Now piss off.


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Foals – Total Life Forever

I like Foals.  Have done since I, along with the rest of the world, got hold of their demo’s.  There was a bit of a wait for the debut album, unfortunately in that time they were so hyped they were never going to meet expectations.  Poor bastards.  I liked Antidotes.  Really liked it in-fact.  Even if the production left a little to be desired.

This new album is brave.  Moving away from the fast paced punchyness that got them so many fans, they’ve gone for a much more downbeat approach in Total Life Forever.  What I’ve heard I’ve really liked.  The first single Spanish Sahara is just starting to hit the play-lists….well….on 6music anyway.  It’ll probably be on Radio 1 in about August (we really don’t need 6 Music anymore do we!).  It’s ace.  Really fucking ace.

Ok, so the atmospheric spaceyness vibe seems a bit on trend what with The XX & Animal Collective albums doing so well last year, but so what.  It’s complicated, it’s layered, it’s intelligent and it’ll take time to really appreciate.  All good things in my eyes.

It’ll be keeping the lovers of immediate Kasabian type dross at bay……hopefully.  A gain in popularity whilst retaining credibility isn’t an easy thing to do.  I think they’ll manage it.  The average Joe wants more than a tub thumper now days.  Don’t they?

If they can follow up the album with good live performances, I think they’ve got the potential to make some pretty big strides in 2010.  I’m right behind them

Check it!


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Folk Clothing – Even makes me look half decent

It’s been a bit of a quandary for me recently deciding whether or not to blog about the clothing line that’s had me looking like such a cool mother fucker for past couple of years.  You want to let people know about something you love, but on the other hand you don’t want any old twat stealing your vibe. 

Unfortunately the good folk at errrr Folk have gone and fucked it all up by doing too well.  The bastards.

I was pleased when I heard news of them extending the flagship store on Lambs Conduit St to two floors.  They were doing well, and rightly so, but now they’ve opened a 2nd store just off Brick Lane.  There’s no point trying to keep quiet about it now is there.  Every sap’s over there at the weekend now days.

With a simple but quirky design ethic and great attention to detail, they’re consistently knocking out must have pieces.  I can’t think of another label that has me wanting pretty much everything they produce. 

These are some of my highlights from the latest line, floating my boat in a big way they are:






You really should pop in and check it out.  Some of it isn’t the cheapest, but twisted classic design won’t be heading anywhere will it.  So un-like your mates who rape the high street you won’t look like a prick when you’re checking out photos from more than 3 months ago.  The staff are a friendly bunch as well, be warned you might end up in there for a while having a chat.  If they like you they might even knock a few bob off.  Can’t say fairer than that can ya.




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Harry Malt and me

Vodpod videos no longer available. Lots of you have been asking about my relationship with Harry and how it has progressed since my last post.  The word “tenterhooks” has cropped up again and again.  I’m sorry.  It’s really lovely to know that you all care so much about me and my pursuit of friendship*


If you don’t know who Harry is then, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?

Where do I start?  So much has happened in the past few weeks.  So much exciting stuff.

Harry’s moved into our house now.  I got to see into his room.  I complemented the decoration.  He’s really made it feel like home.  Which is pretty special because I didn’t think he would be able to, but he has.  I think he this is really clever.

We were going to watch Bullitt on Sunday afternoon but I couldn’t find my copy.  It wasn’t in its case.  I’m really bad at putting things back in their proper place.  I thought Harry would be mad, but he wasn’t mad.  I should’ve known he wouldn’t be mad because Harry seems much too nice to ever get mad.  We watched The Italian Job instead and I told him a story I knew about Michael Caine.  Michael Caine is my favourite actor.  I think he liked it.  Sunday was a good day.

On Monday, a few of the housemates decided to watch the 3-D Channel 4 programmes.  Harry only has one eye.  He has two eyes but one isn’t a very good eye.  Harry can’t watch 3-D things because you need two good eyes.  I felt bad for Harry and tried to tell him that he wasn’ t missing anything because the Queen is shit and so was the 3-D.  Even though I love the Queen and some of the 3-D was really good especially the bit when the ball nearly hit me in my face!  I laughed when he said the Queen was a “German Ponce“.  I love the Queen.

Last night was the best night.  I got a text from Harry asking if I would like to go to the pictures to see the new Michael Caine film Harry Brown.  I was happy because this was the first invite I had had from Harry and because it has Michael Caine in it, as you know, Michael Caine is my favourite actor.  I couldn’t go because I was out with my girlfriend.  Fucking stupid girlfriend!!  He said he would give me a review.  I am still waiting for the review.  This is ok because it is only the day after the night of the pictures.

I also stumbled across this video.  Which is very good.  I didn’t know that Harry was such a big David Bowie fan.  I shall add this to the list of things I know about Harry.  I won’t mention it though.  I think it would make him sad.  It makes me angry that Mr Bowie could just be friends with Harry without having to make a list of things that Harry likes.  David Bowie is a dickhead.

Bye bye.

P.S. Harry let me borrow his drill.


* This may or may not be true.


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Lazy Sunday’s man. You can’t beat ’em.

Finally a weekend of relative laziness.  Doesn’t make for riveting blogs but hey ho, you can’t have everything can you?  No, you can’t.

Spent most of Saturday afternoon whipping up chocolate mousse and baking a plum and almond tart for a house dinner.  I do enjoy a bit of cooking you know.  Good for the soul innit.  I’d do more if I had one of those pinny’s with the tits on, but apparently they’re “not funny” or “appropriate”.  What’s the world coming to when people don’t find them funny?  You’ll be telling me that sexism and xenophia are off the cards next.  If that ever happens I might as well fucking kill myself.

 The plan for a civilised farewell dinner took a bit of a turn after about bottle number 10 of fizz.  It’s all a bit sketchy from there.  Party anthems, table dancing, bumped heads, twisted ankles, brandy gulping, pass-outs, repeats, bowls on head, feistiness, plum stealing and boyfriend forgetfulness. 

Javi snail

All in all a pretty decent send-off I reckon.  Now just to find a way of keeping this little fella under our roof…..I thought we could hide him in a cupboard or something but he’d no doubt find it hilarious and give the game away through laughter.  Nightmare.

 I remain un-convinced about the need for the time change now days, well happy about it though.  Used it constructively…….bit of extra kip and a chance to not feel guilty about having breakfast well into lunchtime territory.  Golden.

Kept my fingers crossed that there would be some trash on the box to ease the route into bedtime.  Almost pissed my knickers when I flicked through the tv guide and saw the words “Flash Gordon”, staring back at me.  I don’t think I could’ve picked anything better.

Anyway, Flash Gordon.

I’d forgotten just how absolutely, amazingly, brilliantly camp it is.  More moody gold than a council estate single Mum with a Juicy Couture tracksuit and a ASBO. 

FlashLove the idea that Timothy Dalton’s turn as Prince Barin might’ve gone some way to him getting the Bond gig. 

Princess Aura is H-O-T-T! can’t believe Flash was blowing her out when she was trying to get jiggy whilst flying the spaceship.  I couldn’t remember seeing her in anything else so I IMDB’d her.  Turns out she’s just been faffing about on ropey Spanish tv since the 80’s.  Shame.  She’s not really cut out for movies but I reckon she would’ve made a nice addition to Corrie or Eastenders or something.  I’m sure Fred could’ve come back with a holiday “romance” only to be fleeced for a VISA.  She could’ve done that well.  I wouldn’t mind being fleeced by her.  I haven’t got a pot to piss in, but I’d sacrifice what I do have for a go on Aura. Yowser.

The star without a doubt though is Brian Blessed as Hawkman.  He cracks me up.  Made me realise he never really plays a character in anything.  He’s just Brian Blessed in mad costumes.  His role throughout the film is just to bonk people over the head and laugh.  Legend.  I’ve been thinking about who would make my ultimate dinner table lately.  He’d be on there definitely.

Enough of the shit. 

 Halloween on Saturday and an End of the World mash up, so I’ll hopefully have a bit more substance and a few pictures.  I’m ready to blow off some steam and dress up a bit.  Everybody’s fav Geordie’s in town as well so I better get thinking of some more hilarious Byker Grove/Geordie Racer/Jossy’s Giants type jokes.  They never get old!!




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**I wore a dress and I liked iiiiiiit!!**

So, another week of slackness.  I’m starting this post not quite knowing where it’ll end up.  Just a catch-up of what’s been going off over the past week or so I reckon.

Again the slackness has been down to enjoying myself a bit too much in the real world.  Spent the most part of last week trying to find a dress for the Circus Freaks and Geeks party in Hackney Wick.

I wanted something 80’s, something glam, something one off.  Of course I went vintage.  It was pretty soul-destroying seeing all these fabulous outfits and realising that they’re not really meant for someone 6 ft 3″.  Anyway.  I found something.  Well, one thing, but it was still pretty fresh.  A jumper dress it was.  Pearls on it, the lot.  Had a bit of give in it as well, which I didn’t really need, but helped anyway.  Set it off with a splendid red belt, red tights and some of the girlfriends jewels….BIG LOVE to Siobh for fashioning the most amazing head scarf the world has ever seen!! xx

I tell you what, I don’t know what all the fuss is about with birds and their getting ready complaints.  Yeah it takes a bit longer, but with a bucket of slap at my disposal I went from same ol’ Steve to a million bucks in no time…..and tights…..they don’t arf make you feel sexy…..they hold you in nicely as well…..and warm…..I’ve never been so warm walking down the canal at 7:30!

Made some friends, danced a lot, licked some flames, tore the arm off a baby, ran the door, elevated some strangers, mastered the whip, had my arse smacked (a lot), awesome quality housemate time, gave a few pep talks, attempted molestation of a guest, sussed out the crafty robins/Scarface squirrel/big boss ginger cat…..and loads more…….all in all a funking amazing night.  Talk of an Xmas shindig maybe.  Quite how it’ll top this I don’t know, but it’ll fun trying.  I’ll have to see if I can shoehorn wearing a dress into the theme as well.  Could be trickier this time around…..

I always thought I’d never post pics of myself, but if anyone spots me in street off the back of these then fair play.  And besides.  There’s not much else to hold your attention in this post!


Ended up venturing to Ikea after all this with the in-laws.  On the back of no sleep.  Tried to craftily take the nail varnish off in the back of the car, but that’s the thing about nail varnish remover…..it’s not very discreet is it.  I’ve definitely got some work to do on the respectable boyfriend front!  Got a desk and some shelves anyway, which is a pretty good return for 4 hours shuffling around a warehouse, freezing cold, shivering, gasping for a drink and wishing you were dead I think you’ll agree.

Just about back to life today.  Off to Trouble Vision tonight.  Could get messy (if I can get over the fact that my outift just isn’t very exciting considering where I was a week previous).  Still, the best thing about partying hard on a Friday is you have two days recovery time……I need it now days…..I’m not getting any younger after all.

That’s about it I think.  Well. That’s enough I think.  If you want to know any more about the robins/squirrel/big ginger cat then drop me a line and I’ll put you in contact with two guys who’ll be glad to fill you in.

Freaky Fridaze!!



Filed under party